The War Room with General Días (I)

The scene opens on the locker room. There is a table across which is spread a map of North Mexico and the Southern USA. Lying slumped over the table is Sancho Días, wearing an unbuttoned military shirt and a giant sombrero, with a bottle of tequila next to him. He suddenly starts up as if somebody has just prodded him awake. He sees the camera and immediately scrabbles to his feet, having to grab his sombrero to stop it falling off. He puts on a comical expression that looks like he's trying to be serious.

"Good evening senors e senoras. I am General Sancho Días, and this is my war room, my command centre.

It has come to my attention that some morbid pimp called Damian has been running his mouth about how his two sons are going to tear me and Jason Verve limb from limb. Now that is all well and good, but I think we need to look at his two sons. They are big emaciated freaks. They both have pale skin, they both bring chains to the ring, one has to wear a cannibal mask. What's going on there? Did he get into wrestling for a light snack?

No offence Daniel, or whatever your name is, but what kind of freak woman did you have to marry to make those two shmucks? Did you stand a little too close to the A-bomb tests in the Texas Desert? I mean seriously, you should get your cajones looked at if you're producing children with the size of godzilla and the brains of King Kong!

Anyway, as to the match tonight... You say that your spawn are going to rip me apart? I'm heavier than them, I'm sturdier than them. They were picked on as kids and started standing up for themselves in their teens. Well I was born in a bar fight with a knife in one hand, a bottle of tequila in the other, and a giant can of whup-ass to share around!

I'm about the same size as your pair of Pajeros, but I've beaten guys bigger than me, and I've beaten guys smaller than me. You see compadré, it doesn't matter how big you are, a bottle over the head, a knife in the gut, it'll hurt you all the same. I'm Sancho Días, and when it's all said and done, I'll be standing there triumphant as you are carried away on a stretcher. Adios amigo!"

He waves mockingly into the camera. Suddenly his sombrero is dragged off his head and the camera cuts away to reveal Samuel the Donkey trotting away with Sancho's hat in his mouth. Sancho dashes off after him.

"Samuel! No haga eso! Bring that back here now!"

Fade to Black